its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
