I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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