I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
