i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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