I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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