This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
