hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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