I hate all girls vehemently.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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