Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Life is so much better after having sex.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
