I look better un-naked...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
