Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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