I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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