I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
