when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
