Im at strip club and am horny
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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