I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
