Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
