I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
