also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You're like the curious george of whores
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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