the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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