SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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