it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
