Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you mean i was at the winter classic?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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