just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
