i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
