i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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