My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
