i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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