Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
