Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
