I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
