yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
that is very illegal...i love you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
