If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
