What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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