Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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