is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
