don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
