im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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