Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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