Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
