peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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