yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
