I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think I sprained my soul last night
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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