I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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