you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize
