dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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