the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
this is an emotional support booty call
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
