Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just googled if crying burns calories
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
