why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
