He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
