I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
